Loving the Turtle Spider

Mary has challenged us in so many ways regarding the tension between showing compassion and the love of Christ alongside our limitations in resources (e.g. energy, time and emotional support) we can provide her. It has been my experience that whenever I have been around someone that exhibits overt and continual neediness without the ability, desire or understanding to meet their own needs, it is like walking through a cob web. You know you are wrapped in this sticky spider's web and you feel mad at yourself for not paying more attention and protecting yourself from walking right into it. Even when you walk away and you frantically try and remove it, it stays with you. Therefore, it is easy to be moved into the position of assessing others who are overtly needy and trying to protect yourself from walking into their web...just avoid them, not look them in the eye when you walk past them or just be plain rude. I have experienced giving all three of these responses in the past.

So, the question has been for us, how is it that we are to love Mary with the love of Christ and protect ourselves from "bottoming out" with our resources? In no way am I implying that this is not still a work in progress for us, but we have had to evaluate what we can give and how we can give to Mary without reaching our limit. It has also been my experience that when I reach my limit, more often then not, pride, bitterness and anger begin to build in my heart as others continue to exhibit their pattern of neediness. It is like the cob web, the anger is often with myself for not being more attentive, but it is more easily expressed at the spider (e.g. "man, I hate spiders!"). The spider is just doing what it does and yet I would smoosh it if I could at that moment. How unfair and full of what I like to call russ-o-centric philosophy. Sure, I am talking about the spider, but I am also talking about Mary, and others. How many times have I thought about wanting to scream at someone to "leave me alone", and worse, when I just want to introvert into my own problems, wounds, and neediness? I mean, the nerve of someone else to not be attentive to my needs and wants after all that I have tried to give them (if you are in relationships with others, you most certainly know what I am talking about).

Mary has challenged us to be free to say "no" or give freely as we see God as the One that is providing Mary's every need, somehow or another. We have concluded that the rule in which we will try and maintain with Mary is that if we don't or wouldn't do it to in our family, then we won't do it for Mary. For example, we don't impulsively eat out for meals, so when Mary has asked for a meal, or we want to provide her a meal, we will bring her what we have eaten, we won't get fast food or buy her something extra. We offer what we have and if she doesn't want it, she can freely say so without consequence. We also are able to tell Mary how we feel about some of her choices and allow her to be where she is without trying to condemn her for it. This is how we can drop her off at the Wendy's parking lot after church knowing that she does not have enough money yet for her hotel and pray for her while also inviting her to tell us if she needs a ride to church that night. We have gotten more comfortable with not feeling guilty for the consequences that she must face and not feeling compelled to try and rescue her or change her. It has resulted in freedom to love her and remain open to helping her in ways that God has given us the ability to help her. It is a work in progress, and we are thankful to God, and Mary, for challenging us in this way...even if we do walk into cob webs occasionally.